Heather's Heart--musings of a Christ-follower

Are you a follower of Jesus? It is easy to say, “Yes” to this question and yet not fully comprehend what the question is asking. Over the past few weeks our sermon series at church has been discussing what it means to be a Christ-follower, a disciple. It has been a challenging series for me personally, prompting me to look at what it truly means to “follow” Jesus and what I let get in the way of my follow-ship.

As I have listened to the sermons and gone through the devotionals that accompany them each week one theme has stuck out at me. That is, that the word “follow” is a verb, an action. In addition, it is a word that if we are doing it means that we are moving forward. You don’t “follow” backwards. That just wouldn’t make sense.

So my question for myself has been, what am I doing to follow Christ? What am I doing to move forward in my walk with him? Lately, I have been trying to have a more consistent quiet time with God, reading scripture, praying, and listening. I have tried to be a witness to my friends both in person and in cyber-land. I have also tried to seek out ways in which I could glorify (bring positive attention) to God in my everyday activities. For example when I have read an interesting truth about God or what it means to follow Him I have posted it on my Facebook page (I’m sure I may have been blocked by some of my “friends” as a result). I have started this blog. I have been working on applying what I hear on Sundays and in my quiet-times into practice, such as really thinking about how I pray and what I pray for, giving things over to God to allow Him to work and not trying to work things out for Him. I could go on. All of these, I should note, are still works in progress. Still I’m trying not to sit stagnant, and watch God walk by. In some ways that would be so much easier, and it is what so many of us who call ourselves Christians do. However, that wouldn’t be following.

James 1:22 says, “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” And Ephesians 5:1-5 shows us what we are supposed to be “doing”. It says, “Be imitators of God therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. “

Finally, I leave you with a quote that my pastor has been using throughout this sermon series from well known author Max Lucado, which speaks to the forward motion that following Jesus compels us to. “God loves you just the way you are, but He loves you too much to leave you that way. He wants you to become just like Jesus.”

So are you a follow of Jesus? Be sure to think about it before you answer.

This past December, my world was turned upside-down by the birth of my first child. My husband and I are in our mid-30’s so this has been a big change for both of us, but it has also been one of the greatest blessings we have ever received. My husband and I had some difficulty conceiving to the point where I was taking fertility drugs and he had been referred to a fertility specialist to determine whether our difficulty stemmed from something going on with him. I don’t know that I was desperate to have a child, but I knew that he really wanted to be a dad and I had always pictured that someday I would be a mom. It was just this picture that I had always had in my head. I was sort of okay with the possibility that God might have other plans but still really wanted to both see the picture in my head become a reality as well as make my husband’s dream come true.

The medication I was taking was simply to get my cycle on track and according to my doctor, it was working. But still, month after month went by with no pregnancy. So my doctor referred my husband to a fertility specialist that was not covered by our insurance. In looking at the expense of even just going for a consult, my husband was hesitant to go. My doctor said that he thought that our chances of getting pregnant were below 50% but that it was still possible. With this small ray of hope, my husband kept saying that he felt that God could do anything, and that if He wanted us to have a child then He could make it happen even with the odds not in our favor. I did some research to try to find another specialist that would be covered by our insurance and came up with one possibility. Before we even had a chance to call the doctor’s office however I found out that I was pregnant. Not a day goes by that I am not grateful for this miracle. As I gaze at my perfect baby girl I am amazed by God’s goodness and His faithfulness. My husband was right that God can do anything.

As a result of the difficulty that we had with getting pregnant as well as a previous miscarriage a few years before, my doctor followed me very closely throughout my pregnancy and we had a number of ultrasounds. Prior to every one of them I was filled with anticipation. I wondered if I would be able to really see what my baby looked liked. This was especially true as time went by and we got closer and closer to the baby’s due date. I found the ultrasound process to be amazing, and was elated when during the first one at 6.5 weeks we were able to hear and see the heart beating so intensely. Then during the second one at 8.5 weeks we were able to see the baby moving a little, even waving her little arm. The next ultrasound had her wriggling around when the doctor jiggled my belly. It was so incredible that I didn’t want him to stop. Ultrasound number four was at 20 weeks and was the time when we had the option of finding out the gender of our little one; however we chose to be surprised. We did get a great glimpse of her profile which the doctor printed off as a photo for us to take with us. I gazed at that black and white outline of her head and face over and over, trying to imagine exactly how my child might look once I saw him or her in the flesh. The same was true of the final ultrasound done approximately three weeks before I gave birth. This was the 3-D ultrasound, which instead of being black and white showed more solid images of the baby in a peach color with the features well-defined. As amazing as the images were however, they were still not completely clear. While they gave me a good idea of what she would look like I was still left to wonder what the reality would be. The anticipation was incredible. When I finally saw my little girl for the first time she was more beautiful than I could ever have imagined. Although I had gotten many glimpses of my baby they had been unclear and incomplete in comparison to the real thing.

I guess that is similar to what will happen someday when as Christians we get to heaven. The scripture says in 1 Corinthians 13:11-13, “Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." It is as if right now we see God as though we are looking through a dark piece of glass. We catch glimpses but they are blurred, obscured and frankly incomplete, similar to an ultrasound image. Sometimes they cause us to imagine Him incorrectly, to distort who He is and for some to even question whether He is really even there at all. For those of us who do believe despite our incomplete picture of Him, we will have to wait until we get to heaven to see God, “face to face” as He truly is. I don’t know about you but my anticipation is incredible. I can only imagine that when that time comes, like seeing my little girl for the first time, He will be more beautiful and awesome than I could ever have imagined. I can hardly wait.

"And finally, I look inside Your eyes to see
Reflections of Yourself in me
The way You always said it'd be.
And finally, I'm loving You like You love me
It happened oh so easily,
Finally."
(Chorus of song "Finally" by Gary Chapman)

October 7^th, 2009

Yesterday, I posted about a Facebook conversation regarding religion and spirituality that came in response to a link a friend had posted from examiner.com. Much of what I had responded to had to do with the article that she posted initially. Below is the portion of that article that I reacted to the most:

“You see, America still has a limited view of exactly what spirituality is. Consult any sources for definitions and you will find no two say the same thing. In addition, the definition of God is even changing! Gone are the days when people believed the mythic bearded man in the clouds would strike us down for our transgressions! Today, we are evolving from the bondage of religion and embracing a freeing, less restrictive spirituality, where we can combine the observances of Christmas with Hanukkah, while we have solstice celebrations, admire the Twirling Dervishes, visit cathedrals around the world, see the Pagan tradition evident in our daily lives, and embrace the many facets that make up what we understand is divine in the world. And with any luck at all, we will see that from many, we get One. This is when we know that what we have is our own personal spirituality and not a prescribed, mindless following of what someone else thinks worship should be.”

Again…sigh! What was it that the Bible said about itching ears? Is this enlightenment? Really?

While it sounds nice for the author of this article to say, "And with any luck at all, we will see that from many, we get One. This is when we know that what we have is our own personal spirituality and not a prescribed, mindless following of what someone else thinks worship should be," it really makes no sense. The various "religions" and "spiritualities" contradict each other. They can't all lead to the same place, especially if what you are relying on is luck to get there or for that matter yourself. What the author is ultimately advocating is in effect an ego-centric worship. “I’ll follow or ascribe to the parts of whatever religions/spirituality that makes ME feel good or makes the most sense to ME”. And... the author incorrectly assumes that if one is following a specific religion, such as Christianity, then it must be a mindless following of a dogmatic set of rules/practices that take away freedom or at least allow no room for it.

I believe that following Christ above all is the religion or spiritual practice that trumps all of the others. Why? Because it is anything but mindless; it makes sense, and my personal experience shows me that it is true. Not only that, when we follow Christ as He teaches, it is freeing not oppressive. All other belief systems, even those we make up, ask us to rely ultimately on ourselves. With them our salvation comes from within, or how much good we can do, how many rules we can follow, focusing in on our inner-calm, recognizing the “sacred within”, etc., etc. But humanity has shown that we can’t save ourselves, in fact when we try we mess up mightily. I mean, I don’t trust myself do you? Really? Deep down? Christianity is the ONLY belief system that takes ME out of the equation. Salvation, peace, hope, freedom come from God, not us, and there is NOTHING we can do to earn it. Instead, God offers it to us as a free gift to everyone because He loves us. We just have to get ourself out of the way and let Him be God. Is that ugly, intolerant, unenlightened? Even the author on examiner.com said that ultimately she was trying, “with luck” to find “the One”. I’m just saying that “the One” can be found and luck has nothing to do with it. God is right here waiting, arms open wide and He promises, "You WILL seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:13 capitalization mine)

October 6th, 2009

I am a self-proclaimed Facebook junkie. As a stay-at-home mom it has in many senses become my social outlet. As people post status updates as to what is “on their mind” or what they have been up to, they post some very insightful and thought provoking things, and because Facebook is a “social networking” sight comments can be made about what people post.

Today a “friend” from Facebook posted a link to www.examiner.com that was a response to an article in Parade magazine detailing a survey on people’s changing ideas of whether they are religious or not. This particular “friend” is someone who I know is searching spiritually.

Below is the question posed by my friend after reading the thoughts on examiner.com followed by my response, her response to my response, and finally part one of some additional thoughts from me that I didn’t post on FB but have come to me since.

Friend’s question:
“Check this out, friends. Not so much the invalid Parade poll, but the bigger question. Are we becoming less religious and more spiritual? What do those terms mean to you? How would our culture benefit or suffer from such a change in ideology?”

My response:
As a Christian I am interested in what other religions/faiths etc. believe and have no problem with discussion. I dislike however, the term "Religious" and I'm not fond of "Spiritual" either. The first is connotative of empty rituals while the second is too ethereal and represents a lack of commitment or a desire to make up one’s own religion. I guess I prefer "Faith". Yes, I adhere to a specific “religion” but ultimately my faith is personal, between me and my Savior Jesus. It is not mindless, it is not ego-centric, it is not about a set of rules or practices. It is about loving God with all my heart, soul and mind, and loving others as myself regardless of what they believe. Why? Because God loves me. Would I like for others to believe as I do? Absolutely. Does that make me intolerant and those who pick and choose from various religions tolerant? I guess that some might say so. But honestly it just means that I want others to share in the joy and fulfillment that I have; that I see and believe come from no other means.

Her response:
@Heather- Isn't it interesting what personal meanings we place upon words? I suspected there would be some differences as well as similarities with what I think/feel and with whomever responded to this. Those words are tricky, aren't they? Religious and spiritual. My attention is locked on these words from all that you wrote, Heather (although I thank you for sharing ALL of your words with me and am honored and grateful you responded!): "... and loving others as myself regardless of what they believe." How profound. How universal. I am thinking of words attibuted to Ghandi, to Buddha, to Jesus, to Muhammad, to Confucious, to so many enightened souls. Namaste, Heather. The sacred light within me embraces and acknowledges the sacred light within you.

My thoughts after reading her response:
Sigh…she didn’t get it and I am saddened. I am glad that the concept of loving others as myself regardless of what they believe resonated with her (which were really a paraphrase of the words of Christ in Matthew 23:37). However as I had written my response and prayed over it before pressing the “comment” button I had so hoped that somehow she would see that universalism is not the way. Yes, we can love everyone but that doesn’t mean that because we love we agree that everyone is right. Maybe I missed the mark in my response. What do you think?

October 5^th, 2009

As I went to download my devotional guide (I get it by e-mail) today I came across an e-mail from one of my cousins to which I realized I hadn’t replied. So I decided to write a quick reply before I settled down for my regular quiet time with the Lord.

My cousin is an example of someone who has clung to her faith in God’s provision throughout her life. When she was a girl her mother was killed in a car accident and her father suffered a traumatic brain injury that drastically changed his personality. As a result she was raised by family members and thankfully despite her circumstances became a Christian and grew close to the Lord. She married and had a son, however throughout most of her marriage she has been a single-parent because her husband has struggled with drug addiction. A couple of years ago however, God stopped her husband in his tracks when he was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. Although my cousin had been separated from him, they were not divorced and she felt it was her duty as his wife to be by his side as he dealt with his illness. She quit her job, and moved with their teen-age son from Florida to Georgia to be with her husband who had been taken in by some of his relatives. The prognosis was not good. Still she found a job, and despite going through medical difficulties of her own she worked to support her family and take care of her husband. Miraculously, he is now in remission. Not only that, he has dedicated his life to Christ and is striving to be the husband that he wasn’t for so many years. And now…my cousin who is in her late thirties is pregnant with their second child. In the e-mail that she just sent she talked about how her pregnancy was going, and asked for my prayers for God’s provision. You see, due to his illness her husband has been on disability. Now that he is in remission, no more disability. He is looking for a job but hasn’t yet found one and as she gets closer to her due date and having to take time off of her job they are facing life with an uncertain financial future.

As I responded to her e-mail saying that I would most assuredly pray that God would provide for them, I was reminded of a devotional thought I had heard a few months ago by a pastor named Francis Chan. In that devotion, he talked about a passage in Proverbs 30:7-9 which says the following:

“Two things I ask of You; don’t deny them to me before I die: Keep falsehood and deceitful words far from me. Give me neither poverty nor wealth; feed me with the food I need. Otherwise, I might have too much and deny You, saying, “Who is the Lord?” or I might have nothing and steal, profaning the name of my God.”

Francis Chan talked about having the courage to pray such a prayer; to ask for “Just enough” for the day. “Give us this day our daily bread”. Knowing my cousin and all that she has been through I am confident that she not only has the courage but has likely already had the courage to pray this prayer. I know that she has had to rely on the Lord to provide for she and her family numerous time prior to this and that He has provided, and often what He has given has been only enough to see them through another day. As a result, I also have seen that she has an uncommon faith that many would say almost borders on the naïve were it not for the miraculous ways He has answered her prayers.

After finishing my reply to her e-mail I went on to read my daily devotional for the day. As God often does it seemed to be related. This time the reading was from Philippians 3:1-10. This is the passage where Paul says that he counts all his worldly accomplishments as nothing compared to seeking after and knowing Christ. He even goes so far as to say that because of Christ he has “suffered the loss of all things” but that it doesn’t matter because it has brought him closer to Christ and sharing in His suffering.

Honestly, I like to be comfortable. I don’t like the idea of suffering. I like having an idea of where I will be and what I will be doing down the road. But according to scripture that may not be in my best interest. What is in my best interest is relying completely on God to provide though it may be uncomfortable and even painful. In that reliance comes His strength, a growing knowledge and understanding of Him, a minute glimpse into the suffering that He endured for me, and a gratitude for who and what He is. I can’t imagine going through the trials that my cousin has had to endure. I see that it has strengthened her faith and reliance on the Lord but I am hesitant to say that I would be willing to go through anything remotely similar. I want to be able to pray the prayer from Proverbs 30 but I’m afraid that I would do so hoping that God would see it in my best interest to give me just a little bit more than my daily bread.

Oh Lord Jesus, I want to rely on you fully but like the man who said, “I believe, help my unbelief” I am fearful of what relying on you fully would look like. I am fearful that it would be more painful that I am willing to bear; not that I can bear as I know that with You I CAN bear anything. So I ask for your grace in this matter. For your tender leading hand, and understanding heart. I will pray this, help me not to be too comfortable. To never take foregranted that all that I have is from you and for you, and most importantly to always remember the horrible discomfort that You were willing to endure for me. Obviously I don’t deserve it.