The last few days my daily reading has really hit something in me that I thought I had dealt with, but find that there was some residual unforgiveness hiding in a dark corner of my soul. It started with Mark 11:25 - "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. ”
My initial reaction was to respond with 'yes, yes, I know. Been there, done that, moving on.' So yes, I rushed over it, telling myself that I forgive easily, so there can't be anything that I am holding onto so why reflect on it? I had a lot to do that day and everything, I didn't have time to look for something that I was sure wasn't there.
And then yesterday, the reading was centered around Psalm 37:8 - "Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil." I am doing a Joyce Meyer devotional from her book "New Day, New You" and for this verse, she talks about letting things go that we can't do anything about. So while I still pushed it off, I will admit that I had to acknowledge that there MIGHT be something that I haven't fully dealt with, BUT I had every right to feel the way I do, since I was so harshly treated!
So, today I had this above verse from Hebrews. After the last several days of ruminating and being argumentative about what I truly wanted to avoid, I finally gave in and am in the process of meeting head on some unforgiveness that I have been holding onto that has definitely hindered me. Was I hurt in a way that, in the natural self, IS unforgivable? Certainly. Does holding onto that unforgiveness feel good? Absolutely. I have felt completely justified in holding onto that, BUT the truth is, holding onto this not only keeps me from more intimate communication with God, but it hinders me and entangles my "feet" so that my walk is affected and I am not fulfilled.
So what do we do about it? As difficult as it is to face it, I must participate in forgiveness. Participate - forgiveness is an act, not a feeling. Regardless of how I feel about the person I haven't forgiven or the situation that initiated the unforgiveness, forgiveness isn't about him. It is about me, and my relationship with God. We don't forgive in order to make the human relationship right, although that CAN be a side effect. We forgive others in order to make our relationship with GOD right.
My prayer for myself, and all of you, is that we each learn to walk in true forgiveness, not just speak it, but truly walk in it, so that we can experience the fullness of what God has for us.
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